Ten Observations

I’ve noticed a few things since Little Man has arrived in our lives.
1. It’s far easier to change a girl’s diaper. Little Man has a loaded weapon and no aiming or timing skills. There is also more area for his poo to hide and/or cover. Changing his diaper as quickly and efficiently as possible reminds me of the calf-roping event at a rodeo. After I’m done, I feel like I should throw both hands up in the air and call time.
2. There are tasks I can still perform while sleeping. I don’t know what they are, I just know when I wake up, whatever was going on has been mostly resolved. The only time I have a clue as to what was happening, is when I fell asleep after starting the activity. Most notably, the task I’m best at while sleeping is turning off any and all alarms set for waking up.
3. The more times you hold your baby, the faster your arms fall asleep. Circulation is overrated, and has been compromised in other parts of my body as well. The other night I reached down to rub my foot and was surprised I couldn’t feel it. It was only in the following moments I realized I was still wearing my slippers, and had been massaging a rubber sole.
4. Falling asleep at night is a far different routine than it used to be. How it works now:

  • Brent and I decide we’re going to fall asleep.
  • Three minutes later:
    • Brent: zzzzzzzz
    • Val: “….and thank you for the trees, and the birds singing, and please bless our home and keep it safe….”
  • Seven minutes later:
    • Brent: ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ
    • Val: and we need to buy bacon, milk, romaine hearts, baby carrots, another lemon meringue pie….
  • Twelve minutes later:
    • Val: I need to go make sure the door is locked and the garage door is shut…
  • Thirty-four minutes later:
    • Brent: Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z (short breath) Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z
    • Val: Well, it’s time to pump again…..
  • An hour later:
    • Brent: rolling over because I have love-shoved him enough times to disturb him.
    • Val: Wow, I got a solid five minutes of sleep just then…
5. I am tired at all hours of the day and night, except for nap time. This is a cursed anomaly of motherhood. I really want to sleep when my babies are sleeping….but falling asleep is a little harder for me. (See #4)
6. People like to give me unsolicited advice as if Little Man is not only my first child, but the first baby I have cared for ever. I really enjoy it, if you liken “enjoy” to sticking yourself in the eyeball with a hot fire poker.
7. I can’t get enough snuggles or kisses. I am addicted to them, and can’t go more than a few minutes without a fix. From Little Miss, and from Little Man, I have to constantly go back for kiss and snuggle hits. Little Miss is far less sloppy with her kisses, but no matter how slobbery, they’re all worth it. 
8. My right eye cries tears of sorrow while my left eye simultaneously cries tears of overwhelming joy. Or vice versa. I am so in love with my kids, and that includes being head-over-heels for Little Man – while I greatly miss their sister, Harlynn. I wish she were here to meet them, and they were able to meet with and play with her as well.
9. It all comes back to you. Like riding a bike. The diaper changing, the bottle washing, the nursing, the incredible amounts of baby laundry – it’s as if you never took a break in time away from it, and you remember how to do everything.
10. Have I mentioned I am completely in love with Little Man?

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